Sunday, 24 January 2010

Toxic Friends

I've always believed that you should be there for your friends, no matter what, even if this means crossing town at 4am to be by their side in times of crisis.

So it's a nasty shock to find that people, who you consider friends, wouldn't do the same for you.  

I've been friends with J.W. for some years now.  I've always known that she's quite controlling and self - absorbed but I brushed it aside because she's fun, I like her and we have a lot of common interests.  

Long ago I'd accepted that things were always going to be her way.  For instance, I go to all her plays, (she's a writer) but the one time I had a short film in a festival, she didn't bother to turn up, saying that she had a headache.  Yes, it did bother me but I believe that you should accept people as they are or not at all, so I just accepted it.

Now I'm in a very bad way financially.  We're talking begging-for-crisis-loans-from-the-government-in-order-to-eat bad.  Before Christmas, I realized that I had no money to pay for Christmas so I asked J.W. if I could borrow £50.   I had no money to pay for the bus fare to go over to her place so I asked if she could drive over to mine.   I just assumed that this would come under the normal give and take of friendship - I'd certainly do it for her if the situations were reversed.  Various friends of mine owe me in the region of £100 and I've leant it to them gladly because they're my friends and I love them.  I'll never ask them for it back.  

She drove over with the £50 but I've just received a phone call from her telling me that she thinks that I'm a very selfish person and I 'lack self-awareness' for asking her to drive over in the middle of the night before Christmas to 'deliver money'.

Before you ask, I've repaid £20 of the loan but I can't yet afford to repay the rest because the phone company's threatening to send around the bailiffs.

I'm so upset, I don't know what to do.


Ines said...

I'm really sorry to hear things are not going well for you (for that matter, it seems like it's been bad for many people I know, myself included).
I am certain there are non-toxic people in your life, and blogging is a great way to meet new virtual friends from all over the world. :)
I hope your situation resolves itself sooner than you thought possible.

Beautiful Things said...

Thank you so much for dropping by and thank you for your kind words. It means a lot. x


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